It was October, so many years ago. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot at the bank I worked for and I was done.

For 10 years we had struggled. It hadn’t ever been easy really. Financially, emotionally…so many roadblocks and so many mistakes.

I was unsure of what the future would hold but I was also terrified of remaining in the state we had found ourselves. Contemptuous, angry, bitter…

I knew something had to change and I was so self absorbed and stubborn that I didn’t think I needed to do any of the changing. It is always easier to blame someone else isn’t it?

At that moment though I knew that I couldn’t live that way any longer. That day I almost walked away.

But God.

I know I have shared parts of our story here before, but this one bears repeating. God took our broken, our weary and worn out hearts and restored them.

It wasn’t easy and I struggled with change and forgiveness, but I had a small glimmer of hope that something may be different. And it was.

Painfully we worked through our greatest struggles, we started to fight FOR our marriage instead of against it. Laughter returned and the tears came less and less.

Today nearly 10 more years later I praise God that He stepped in and saved us. The fact that we have the opportunity to work together every day and enjoy it isn’t lost on me.

Yes I almost walked away. I was convinced there was no hope. Today though I fight for it, I share the ugly parts of our story so if there is someone else who is at their “almost”….they too can find hope.

It’s there friends. We have to be willing to seek God and trust Him with all of ourselves. We have to be willing to be honest, make amends, take responsibility for what is ours….When we do we will see change and that is a beautiful thing!

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Because I am a part of this fun #Write31Days community I have something extra fun to share with you for the rest of this month! DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading! I’d love to see one of my readers win this so enter today because this is the LAST DAY to enter!! 🙂

It roars and beckons. It is always in motion, constantly pushing and pulling…even in the distance where the waves are not forming it is moving.

As I sit at the water’s edge, the sea calls to me.

There is something incredibly peaceful about watching the waves crash into the shore line. Hearing the song that they make over and over again.

“Oceans” has been a favorite song of mine since I heard it a few years ago for the first time at Allume. “You call me out unto the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail..”

Standing on the sand, watching the water roll in around me, I can feel the shifting beneath my toes. As the water pulls back out my footing becomes unsure…my feet may fail.

“And there I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep my faith will stand.” The sea is a mystery, its never ending movement, the fact that the water seems to know where to stop.

As I sit and watch it I am overcome by the presence of a God that not only controls the waters and the tides, but also formed me in His image and loves me.

What a mystery Lord….

“I will call upon your name, and keep my eyes above the waves….I am yours and you are mine.”

I call out to Him, I have sought him and He has made His presence known. Always with me, always surrounding me…He is mine and I am His.

The sea reminds me of God’s mighty power and beautiful creation but also is a reflection of my faith. God calls us out to unsure seas and asks if we trust Him.

Sometimes we step out onto the water and walk towards Him. And at times I fumble and fear overwhelms and I start to sink…but He is there, holding out His hand for me.

Seek Me and you will find Me.

I am yours Lord, I am yours.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw[/youtube]

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Because I am a part of this fun #Write31Days community I have something extra fun to share with you for the rest of this month! DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading! I’d love to see one of my readers win this so enter today!! 🙂

Hebrews 6: 19 “I have this hope, an anchor for my soul, firm and secure….”

I spent a lot of years just holding on. Hope wasn’t a word that I dare utter because I just believed there wasn’t any. It didn’t exist for a girl like me.

Married young and full of mistakes and regret…I couldn’t hope to change, I just believed that we were stuck in the cycle we found ourselves in.

We spent many years trapped in the mire of our mistakes. Too stubborn and selfish to see past ourselves, we just got comfortable being uncomfortable.

And then one day God changed all of that. It wasn’t a fireworks/angels singing type of moment. Just a realization that our way of living wasn’t living…it was leading towards a slow death.

Certain we couldn’t do it on our own we reached out and were just a little bit willing to try something new…and hope was born in us.

Change doesn’t happen over night and I have said before that we struggled to make our way and stumbled many times…but God redeemed and restored. I hadn’t believed it was possible, but it was and I always remember those times as a time of hope.

We continue to have our fair share of bumps in the road. Life isn’t perfect or easy around our parts, but my perspective of it has changed. I know that I need to hold tight to my faith in God through the difficult times.

I can’t imagine going through life trying to manage it all on my own. I am completely and utterly incapable of doing it! But God is the anchor for my soul. My faith in Him keeps me grounded, firm and secure.

I don’t know what trouble you might be facing today friend, but it is my prayer that you would seek the One, the only One who is a sure and firm foundation…an anchor to weather any storm that may come. May knowing that fill you with hope and peace.

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Because I am a part of this fun #Write31Days community I have something extra fun to share with you for the rest of this month! DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading! I’d love to see one of my readers win this so enter today!! 🙂

It was a “perhaps” moment that changed the course of my life.

In 2008 I was suffocating from the loss of a pregnancy that we had tried so long and hard to have. I felt we deserved to be pregnant and when we lost the baby, I wondered why God would allow something so terrible to happen to me.

I didn’t know how to move past the feelings of anger and bitterness I was feeling. I finally admitted that I needed to see someone to talk through my feelings.

“Perhaps you should write a letter to your child.” she said.

At first thought it seemed a little crazy really, why would I write a letter to a baby I wouldn’t ever see this side of heaven? But I trusted her and wanted so badly to be well again…

Blogging was new to me at that time, but I had read a few that had a profound impact on my life and an old love of writing was stirred inside of me.

“Perhaps I will start a blog.”

And so I did. That letter to my child was one of the first posts that I wrote. I cried the ugly cry through the entire post and cry every time I go back and read it. So many hopes and so much love wrapped up in that post.

I hadn’t journaled or written anything in years. Life had gotten the best of me and having a creative outlet seemed impossible, but beginning that blog brought me back to life.

“Perhaps I will apply for this book launch team for one of my favorite authors.” 

Another pivotal moment. A yes and a welcome that again changed my life. Opening a door to not only life long friends, but a realization that we do all have a story and they need to be shared.

I was able to walk through some of my darkest times because you shared your stories and gave me hope. It is my honor to try and do the same here.

If there is something in your life that God has given you a passion for perhaps you should be brave and step out in faith and do it.

I know God in a completely different way than I did back in 2008. I have been seeking Him this entire time and it has been a journey, but one that has been life changing. Thank you so much for being a part of my story friends.

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Because I am a part of this fun #Write31Days community I have something extra fun to share with you for the rest of this month! DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading! I’d love to see one of my readers win this so enter today!! 🙂

It comes in a whisper most days.

The lies that the enemy speaks to remind me that I am not good enough, I have sinned too often, I have fallen too far away from where the Lord can rescue me.

Now I don’t hear the audible sounds of the enemy speaking…but it is found in doubts and fears, comparisons and jealousy. All things I struggle with. All things that the enemy knows can become a stronghold for me.

I have to fight against these whispers. Do you hear them too?

I recently read the book Fevernt by Pricilla Schirer and can I just say that is the first book I have read cover to cover in a LONG time. The pages are underlined and dog eared and circled and starred.

So many truths that I didn’t want to forget that I am going to have to read it again and again.

She starts each chapter by saying “If I were the enemy I would….” and then writes about the different areas that we see attacks. In our marriages, our children, our schedules.

One comment hit home particularly hard when she said that the enemy doesn’t just use bad things to ensnare us but he uses the good as well. The state of “busy” that I often find myself in…often it is all good things.

A business we work hard to manage, a family that has activities, writing for this space and others. All good things. But if my days are filled so full with these “good things” that I don’t have any time for God….then I am right where the enemy wants me.

The more I do and feel I accomplish on my own, the less I am thanking the God that made it all possible. I HAVE to give Him all the credit. My pride and selfish pulls bring me to an ugly place when I think I have it all under control.

So I try and pull away for a time each day to thank Him. To seek to know Him and recognize that all I get to do each day is because of Him and for Him…to God be the glory in all of it.

Don’t allow the enemy whisper lies to you. If you start to hear them, fight back with words from God truth. Fill your heart and your mind with more of Him so that when the whispers come you are ready. You are filled instead with the whispers of the Holy Spirit of Truth.

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Because I am a part of this fun #Write31Days community I have something extra fun to share with you for the rest of this month! DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading! I’d love to see one of my readers win this so enter today!! 🙂

He is 18 and my first born. I have a fierce desire to protect him with everything that is in me…but he is also an adult now and making decisions on his own.

One of those decisions came when he got his motorcycle permit. We don’t own a motorcycle, but he has a good friend who’s family does and so he wanted to get his permit so one day they could ride together.

I can say I wasn’t really thrilled about this…so many bad things can happen and I worried for his safety.

But Isaac is a levelheaded young man and soon after getting his permit he signed up for the motorcycle safety course. He spent several hours over a weekend riding, practicing new skills and defense mechanisms to keep him safe on the road.

His friend invited him out to ride one night and I said a quick prayer that God would protect him.

I didn’t know what had happened until later that evening. They had been riding and heading around a slight bend in the road. Isaac was the 2nd in line and his tire hit a small patch of gravel and he started to lose control.

He did all the things he had been trained to do and drove it into the ditch and laid the bike down in the grass. It could have been so much worse. He didn’t crash the bike, but it was an accident.

A learning experience our friend’s father said.

Apparently most riders have a story…a crash or an accident that has happened. An experience that they have learned from. Isaac just got his on his first ride out!

As a mother, part of me wants to forbid that he ride again. But the reality is that he learned from this experience. They went back to the place it happened the next day to see how he may have approached that curve differently.

If we are willing we can learn from the crashes in our lives.

Yes they will happen, inevitably, so are we willing to go back and see what we could have done differently and then be brave enough to move forward?

I have been a fear-filled woman for too long.

I crash and then I don’t want to try again. But God has protected me, and I am seeing through the example of my brave son, that I too can learn and grow and move forward.

If we seek God we can learn from our mistakes and be strengthened to get back up and try it a new way the next time. Thank God for His provision and protection and that we can start again.

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Because I am a part of this fun #Write31Days community I have something extra fun to share with you for the rest of this month! DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading! I’d love to see one of my readers win this so enter today!! 🙂

Psalm 62: “For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.” (v. 1-2)

“Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” (v 8)

I think that one of the most difficult parts of my faith life are the times when there is perceived silence from God. Now let me clarify that I do not and have not ever heard the audible voice of God.

Although there have been times that I have asked! “Speak to me Lord…tell me what to do and I will do it…” these requests are followed by silence.

But there have been times that I feel God has spoken to me through other people, or an open or closed door, a hitch in my spirit about a decision that needs to be made. So while it isn’t an audible answer…there are times I feel clearly led by God.

As a perfectionist and people pleaser I want to follow God’s plan for my life…and sometimes I just don’t know what that is and I am so afraid of making a mistake.

What if I take a wrong turn, will I ruin my chances at my best life?! Will I mess it all up?!

But the verses in Psalm 62 bring me comfort.

For God alone my soul waits in silence because from Him comes salvation.

I don’t need to seek out anyone or anything else…God is my refuge and my strength and I can pour out my heart to him.

There will be times in my life that I don’t know what to do. Times when I ask for direction and may not get a strong leading one way or another. During those times I can wait. I can calm my spirit and ask God to lead me when He is ready.

While I’d love my life to be on my time table I have learned that it often isn’t! So I will continue to seek Him, to ask for guidance and lean on Him when I need help. He is my refuge, my guide….

Silence doesn’t have to be a bad thing, maybe it is just an opportunity to still ourselves and wait.

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Because I am a part of this fun #Write31Days community I have something extra fun to share with you for the rest of this month! DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading! I’d love to see one of my readers win this so enter today!! 🙂

Can I share a secret with you?

One of my biggest hurdles, the thing that trips me up more often than anything else is my need to impress others. It is hard to admit that, but it is true.

I have long had a deep need to seek approval and acceptance from others. As early as 6th grade I knew that I didn’t fit in and I so desperately wanted to. Maybe the cheerleading squad would get me there…or a boyfriend, all the popular girls were “going out” with a boy.

Insecurity keeps me waist deep in the struggle to find value in what those around me think of me. I am not always patient and I would be terrible at homeschooling my kids, and I don’t really have the desire to stay at home, I enjoy working. That alone must make me a terrible mother.

So instead I put on a happy face, dress my kids up nice for church and tell them that they better behave “or else.” We need to make a good impression to those that matter most.

It’s all a fancy show, and I am guessing those that know me well, aren’t buying it.

I read books about how I should focus on the value I have in the eyes of God…and while I want to believe that, the enemy reminds me of how very broken I really am.

Surely God can’t value a girl like me. That woman down the street that has it all together…I’m certain God values her more than someone as flawed as me.

I don’t share these whispers so that you will all tell me how great I am…really, I do so because I believe that there are those out there believing the very same lies and are just as stuck as I am.

Because that’s what they are…lies.

God doesn’t value us because of what we do, how perfect or imperfect we are.

No He looks at each of us, His creation, made in His image and He loves us. He values us because we are His. We don’t have to do anything to deserve this kind of love. Thank goodness right?!

I still struggle with the need to impress. I am learning very slowly who I am IN Christ. I know that freedom is possible, I am just not walking fully in it yet. But I have hope.

By seeking God each day, reading His word and reminding myself who He says I am, beloved, chosen, a woman of value….I am walking towards freedom and I trust that He is with me every step of the way.

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Because I am a part of this fun #Write31Days community I have something extra fun to share with you for the rest of this month! DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading! I’d love to see one of my readers win this so enter today!! 🙂

It never stops.

The endless rolling of the waves in the ocean. It builds and rolls and crests and crashes, over and over again.

I sat out on the balcony of the condo we rented in Florida in September. My internal clock didn’t seem to know it should be on vacation mode and I woke at my normal time. I forced myself to rest a short time more, but the waves were calling me.

I snuck outside and was protected by the rain storm that was rolling into the gulf. The sky was overcast and the water dark but even though the sun wasn’t shining its beautiful rays, the scene was amazing.

There is something about the sound of the waves crashing that is calming and yet joyful as well.

I felt like I was in the audience of a concert that was being played for the God that placed the seas, the God that told the ocean when to roll and when to crash upon the shore.

It was breathtaking.

I posted a short video online and said that I could listen to that sound for the rest of my life. An endless song, a rising and falling with a crescendo at the end as the wave meet the shoreline.

As I spend time seeking God it is my prayer that my hearts song would be one of endless praise.

Like the ocean that sings and never stops, I too want a life that reflects my gratefulness and worship to the one who created me. What a gift that morning was. And while I won’t be able to see that every day here in Minnesota…I want to always remember.

The waves cry out, they sing and dance and so should I.

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Because I am a part of this fun #Write31Days community I have something extra fun to share with you for the rest of this month! DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading! I’d love to see one of my readers win this so enter today!! 🙂