When Anger is My First Response

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There are times when there are posts and ideas in my mind that I’m really excited to write about. And then there are times like today that I feel God is calling me to write and I don’t want to share the words.

Because if I’m being honest, this isn’t something that I want you to know about.

It reveals a part of my soul and my character that are difficult. Areas in my life that God is working on me, refining me… you see I have a problem with anger.

Anger itself reveals my lack of self-control and the ability to find the good in situations. When my first response is one of anger, nobody wins.

And I can feel it. I can feel myself getting angry and once I am there it seems that my natural response is to yell.

I want to be a place of safe harbor. A place of comfort and trust. But a mama that explodes when she is frustrated is no safe harbor. (<====Click to Tweet) When my kids know that mom is mad they don’t come to me…they go the other way.

It is a harsh and painful reality.

The majority of this post was spoken when I was in the bathroom. Okay maybe that was too much information for y’all…so sorry! I was just getting ready one morning, and I just felt very strongly that these words needed to be written.

So I used my phone and my notes app and I spoke these words into being.

I want more for me. I want more for my children. I want my more for my husband and my friends.

I don’t want my legacy to be one of anger. (<====Click to Tweet)

I know it must have been God’s prompting to read Heather’s post that morning. In this season of busy I haven’t been able to keep up on his many blogs as I would like to. But for some reason I clicked through and read her post.

Heather was brave and shared her own story of struggling with yelling at her kids. Of putting on that face, that mask if you will, for everyone outside of her home. But not having that same attitude towards those closest to her.

And unfortunately her post struck a nerve because I can relate so well to what she was saying.

So as I got ready that morning I could just feel God convicting my heart.

“I called you to be a light.”

“Yes that light is important when you share it with the outside world. But even more than that Kristin, you need to be showing that light to your family.”

So I come before you broken, stripped bare and humbly asking for your prayers.

I am going to be circling this in prayer. I can’t make this type of transformation on my own. God has to do a work in me and through me. I just need to be willing to do the hard things to see change.

I want to use this space as a place to remain accountable.

You have all blessed me with my own safe harbor. Your words of encouragement and not judgement help me to be more transparent. So it may get raw and real around here but I need to be able to take off the mask…even if just in this space first.

It is my prayer that as I walk this road, God will mold me into the woman, the mother and wife He created me to be. Thank you friends for walking with me!

In Him, Kristin

Photo Credit: Rasmus Zwickson

Crockpot White Chicken Chili

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We are always looking for new recipes that we can use to feed our family quickly and easily. I especially like soups/stews in the winter that I can prepare in my crockpot and set and forget it.

Dominic was recently visiting a client and he was persuaded to stay for dinner. He was served white chicken chili and raved about it. We searched for a recipe that would be similar and tried it yesterday.

This recipe was so easy and I adapted it from one we found on Betty Crocker.com. A link to the original recipe is here. We changed it just a bit so I will share my updates.

4 lbs boneless chicken. The recipe says you can put the chicken in the mix uncooked, but I just didn’t like that idea so we browned it with onion before we added it in. Also we basically doubled the recipe from the Betty Crocker site to make a full crock pot.

2 cans white beans. We used 1 can of Great Northern beans and 1 can of Cannellini beans. Make sure to drain and rinse your beans. I personally think the “sauce” they put on beans tastes like dirt (I know I am weird) so I always rinse my beans off.

2 cans fiesta corn, drained. And 2 cans Rotel. I used original Rotel, but in the future I may use the mild Rotel so it is less spicy. Dominic and I enjoyed it but the younger kids thought it was a little spicy.

2 16 oz jars green taco sauce. I originally only bought 1 jar and when we set out to make the recipe I thought it really needed the second jar so we searched our cupboards and found a green salsa verde so we added that instead of a 2nd taco sauce.

The last ingredient was chicken broth. The original recipe called for a 1/2 cup …but that wasn’t nearly enough. I bought the organic chicken broth that is found in those boxes and used at least half the box. I wanted it to be soupy…not too thick. But you could adjust it based on your liking.

We put everything together over the lunch hour and then put the crock pot on high. It was hot and ready by the time I picked the kids up from school. If you started it in the morning I would just cook on low for the entire day.

We served it with cheese, sour cream/plain greek yogurt and corn chips.

It made a lot, but with 6 of us it won’t last long. Fast and easy and oh so yummy! What is your favorite crock pot recipe? I would love if you shared it below because I am always looking for new recipes!

God Creates Us

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It is an honor to have my friend Kristin here today. She and I were both on the God-sized Dream Team together and she also is a writer at the GSD website! Kristin recently launched a new e-book called Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & Family. It is a beautiful story filled with God’s redemption and Kristin’s transparency. I am so excited that she has agreed to share a little of her story here today!

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“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)

God surprised me over and over again in the best ways throughout Cate’s adoption process, but one of the biggest visible surprises was Cate herself. With an Iranian birth father, we expected her to have olive-toned skin.

Instead people debate whether she looks most like Greg or me. We both have blue eyes; she has gorgeous brown eyes that soak up details. She’s always had defined eyes, which seem to have come from her birth father who we’ve never met. Cate tans well and has always had dark hair. It’s lightened some in recent years, making it closer to her birth mom’s hair color.

When people comment on how she looks like me, I pause for a moment because I want to tell them her story, our story. We may not share DNA, but I’m raising a mini-me who was meant to be my daughter.

The similarities go beyond looks. Cate and I are both stereotypical first-borns. She is stubborn, tells detailed stories, likes crafts, loves her friends, wants to have a plan, and has perfectionist tendencies – just like me.

And yet she’s not like me, especially as a child. She’s not afraid of most new things, speaking in front of people doesn’t scare her, she laughs easily, and she wants to play sports. I’m more adventurous as an adult than I ever was as a kid. She makes me proud the way she faces life.

I welcome the similarities because I didn’t expect them with adoption. Maybe it’s our common dark brown hair that prompts people to say she looks like me. Perhaps it’s the skin tone. But it could be the way she responds like me. She likes to make her friends cards, especially when they’re sad or sick. She likes to help me in the kitchen. She likes to take (and plan!) road trips. And each night before she goes to bed, she asks me what we’re doing the next day.

Sometimes I catch myself scolding her for behavior that’s just like mine. Ouch. I see my weaknesses in her and cringe, not because she disappoints me but because I disappoint myself and I know she’s watching. We both get cranky when we’re tired and have been known to break when our plans break.

I watch her live and laugh and write and play and imagine and worry and ponder and plan. And I know that even in my imperfect perfectionist-leaning mothering ways, this girl is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

God knew when I cried out to him to become pregnant that we would have this story. God knew he was going to make us a family through adoption – through THIS adoption. God knew her brown eyes because he created them. He created every single one of her eye lashes and every hair on her head. He knew how she would laugh and that her stories would be long. He knew how we would fit together.

She’s taught me nurture trumps nature because biologically speaking she wasn’t created within me. But I know without a doubt she was created to be my daughter. I understand her. I yearned for her. I learn from her every day. Her story is my story because through it God rescued my heart. (<====Click to Tweet)

His works are indeed wonderful.

Kristin Hill Taylor tells about the two adoption processes that followed a hard season of infertility in “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family,” which is available at Amazon. She believes in taking road trips, living in community, and seeking God as the author of every story – many of which she shares at www.kristinhilltaylor.com. She lives in Murray, Kentucky, with her college sweetheart husband and their two kids.

Always A Warm Welcome

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When Dominic and I were first married, church wasn’t top on our priority list. Even though we were both raised in church and had Isaac, we were both stubborn and selfish and didn’t feel like we “fit” in any of the churches we visited. It was just easy to stay away.

Besides I was pretty sure that everyone was judging us anyways…

For years we made excuses. The more we made, the easier it was.

Then one weekend sometime in 2002, Dominic’s mom called and invited us to come to a family lunch on Sunday afternoon and invited us to come to church as well. We figured we could handle that and so we drove the 45 miles from our home to their community and went to church.

At that time the church was located in an old building but they were working on their new location (pictured above). Dominic’s dad helped with some of the projects that got that new church completed. His parents were one of several that were very active in the church. And when we would visit we were always made to feel welcome.

And so a “habit” was born. Dominic’s mom would call and invite us to dinner and if we were coming, why not church as well?! 🙂

We came to a place, after much struggle and difficulty…and our 2nd son on the way that we realized we really wanted to have a better foundation for our kids. While we had failed early on with Isaac, we could start making some changes and become a part of a church family.

It just made sense to join First Baptist in Parker because we were already attending most Sundays…and when we did visit other churches closer to home we never felt the welcome that we did at FBC. It very quickly began to feel like home.

Our church family walked us through more dark times. Times when others might have walked away, the families at FBC surrounded us. They offered encouragement and prayer, shared their stories and kept telling us to get involved and keep coming back.

In 2011 when we started to talk about the possibility of moving, our church was one of the big reasons we had to stay where we were. How could family like that be replaced?

But during those months of decision making, they prayed with us and reminded us that we were always welcome back…we would still be a part of the FBC family.

This past weekend we went back to Parker for a visit after months and months away.

We arrived late (because of course) 😉 and Pastor Aaron was just getting ready to start the service and called out a welcome to us from the podium. Hugs and handshakes, smiles and “we will catch you after the service”…once again we were home.

After the service people came up to visit with us for just a moment, the kids had been long sent to the car and yet we remained. One of the last people to leave, we were surrounded by love.

It is a church that practices hospitality on every level.

It isn’t like an old job where people forget your name 6 months after you leave and blame you for all the mistakes they find…no this community at FBC is one that welcomes you in with open arms, no matter the time in-between visits.

As we walked to our van Dominic said “Always a warm welcome when we come here….”

It is a legacy that church is leaving in its community.

You don’t have to be perfect to walk through the doors, or have it all together. No, FBC is filled with believers that seek Christ, work to be a light and pray for and encourage one another regardless of where you are at in your faith walk.

We spent 7 years as members at FBC and our marriage, our family, are forever changed because of it.

It was a reminder to me again that we need to be welcoming…even the little things can make a big difference.

I thank God for allowing us to be a part of such an amazing community of believers. I hope that at our new church Dominic and I can seek and find ways to offer that same hospitality to others that come through the doors.

Because we want those that leave to say that they always get a warm welcome, don’t we?!

Celebrating A New Beginning {Virtual Shower Fun!}

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Today I have the pleasure of introducing you to a special young woman. But first before I do that, I need to give you a little of the back story!

I met Holley Gerth 2 years ago. I had the honor of being a part of her God-sized Dream team book launch. Several of us gathered at Allume again this year and celebrated all the places God has taken us in the past 2 years.

God is just so good.

During this past year Holley and her husband Mark saw their own God-sized dream come true when they adopted their 20 year old daughter Lovelle. It is a beautiful story of God’s redemption and you must go read all about it!

When Lovelle got hitched to her fiance David I knew that I wanted to do something special to celebrate their new beginning. Holley has been a mentor and friend, but really is family to me, so I wanted to help her celebrate this incredible journey she is on as a new mama! Being miles and states away proved difficult. I had hoped Lovelle would be able to attend Allume so we could have a shower there, but that couldn’t happen so I got to thinking outside the box!

I came across a site that posted about a Virtual Shower and they created a website to use as the landing place for all the celebratory goodness.

I knew that was the route that I needed to take and so Lovelle’s Wedding Shower Website was born. Now let me be clear about one thing. I am not responsible for the adorable site design. (I wish I had that talent!) My dear friend Lisa, and master designer of my site here, volunteered to help and I just love it!

The idea behind a virtual shower is this…it gives those who want, the access and ability to celebrate with David and Lovelle, even when we can’t all be together in person.

So the “official” party time is November 1st through the 8th. I chose a week so that there was opportunity to share the site and people would find some time in the next week to join the fun.

Of course you will find a link to their gift registries, if you feel led, you can order something and send it their way. But even more exciting is a tab to read more about the happy couple with 20 questions answered by them…did you know what their answers would be?! A tab where you can leave a comment with advice/encouragement for David and Lovelle, and a tab to leave your favorite recipe to share! As a new wife I needed all the help I could get…so let’s fill up their virtual recipe box with some yummy goodness!

And no party should commence without some sort of party favor…so Lisa designed two amazing prints that are downloadable/printable! (I told you she was awesome!!) Each print is designed around David and Lovelle’s favorite bible verses. Love love!

It is my heart that we will shower Lovelle and David in a HUGE way. They are starting out their new life together in such a Godly, honorable way and as a community I hope we can cheer them on together.

So join me over there won’t you? Leave some advice, a prayer…maybe a favorite bible verse or recipe. I know that Lovelle and David will be blessed by your support, so thank you in advance for loving on them in this way with me!

In Him, Kristin

31 Days of Finding God – LEAVE

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Thank you for joining me in my series 31 Days of Finding God. Each day I am going to use a prompt from Kate and incorporate that into how I am finding God in my everyday!

Today’s Prompt is Leave!

I will be honest, I can’t believe that I am here. When I felt the leading to participate in this challenge to write for 31 days straight, I was pretty sure that I would quit half way through. I like to start things and then fizzle out before I get it completed. I figured this wouldn’t be any different.

But somehow God gave me the words.

There were days that I thought I wouldn’t have a post, and then late in the day something would happen that inspired me and I would have something to write. I rarely blogged ahead, except for the 4 posts I wrote right after Allume! 🙂

Before starting this 31 day challenge, I had started the 40 Day Prayer Circle Devotional. I am now on day 51! It made such an impact on me that I started over once I finished the full 40 days IN 40 days!!

I want to leave my kids a legacy of being someone who finishes. (<====Click to Tweet) Even when it is tough. Even when the words don’t come or I am tired or feel uninspired.

God calls us to be a light.

I want our home to be a place of comfort, welcome. I want to teach my kids how to open their hearts to others and to not be afraid of doing the hard work.

There is such a benefit in the finishing isn’t there?

I know there will be times that I don’t finish well, when I am flat on my face asking God for the strength to continue. I hope in those times I can show that it isn’t by my ability or strength that I persevere…but God’s.

I believe that God gave me the words. He made this challenge possible and I am so blessed to be leaving this 31 days with more of Him.

I have found more of God. In the big and the small, and I am grateful.

I leave this month changed. Blessed even, and I thank each of you that encouraged me along the way. Those that stuck with my daily posts and left comments for me, You made this journey all the more worthwhile.

In Him, Kristin

31 Days of Finding God – FIRST

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Thank you for joining me in my series 31 Days of Finding God. Each day I am going to use a prompt from Kate and incorporate that into how I am finding God in my everyday!

Today’s prompt is First!

Do you lead with love first?

This was a question that Jeremy from the Preemptive Love Coalition asked us at Allume.

He captured my attention because he spent time talking about his life in Iraq, what it has been like for their family, whey they felt called there and how they are responding with true hospitality now.

It isn’t always easy to lead with love first.

We get defensive, maybe feel like we are right…we have to change the world and bring people to Christ so we must do that with all the Bible knowledge we have because that is the only way we will win the argument.

Jeremy talked about he would go and spend all day in this coffee shop in Turkey with his Bible and the Quran and a dictionary. Partly he wanted to learn the language and engage with others, but when he was approached he said he went into the conversation with his fists up.

The kind of attitude that says “I know my Bible and I am going to prove you and yours wrong.” {Bam}

But when we approach people fists up, we aren’t showing them an attitude of Christ’s love! (<====Click to Tweet)

If we want to draw people in, we must do it through relationship. Just like Jesus, he entered this world with arms open. Ready to serve, to dine with strangers, to share water with prostitutes, to heal the sick and wounded.

If we have a heart to teach others about the love of Christ so that they desire to seek Him themselves, we have to lead with love first.

There just was so much of this goodness this weekend. I don’t want to forget. I can get so caught up in life and get frustrated and selfish and I forget how much easier it would all be if I would lead with love first.

It is a journey isn’t it?! These revealings can be tough to walk through but hopefully they bring us closer to who God has called us to be!

I hope to share more about Preemptive Love Coalition in the future but for now wanted to share one special project we were allowed the opportunity to participate in. As an organization they are partnering with doctors and hospitals to give life saving operations to children with heart defects.

For a small $25 donation you can partner with them to make a much bigger impact than we could do here with $25 alone. Would you consider helping? Find the link here Pure Charity – Patch a Child’s Heart Fund.

In Him, Kristin

31 Days of Finding God – UNITE

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Thank you for joining me in my series 31 Days of Finding God. Each day I am going to use a prompt from Kate and incorporate that into how I am finding God in my everyday!

Today’s prompt is Unite!

As women we can be quick to judge.

We judge others, we judge ourselves. We set the measuring stick so high that there is no way we could measure up. We fight against our differences and don’t embrace them in unity.

I see you and all of the ways that you are doing things better than I am, and I want to give up. And if I am honest some days I want to push to be better. So that I get the praise…sigh.

This past weekend I was reminded that as women we need to be each others cheerleaders. We need to fight the good fight for one another. We need to be brave and encourage, we need to unite together as a body of Christian women and be a light for this world.

We have a voice. We all do!

My voice is different than yours, yes. But united we are louder, stronger…and we can make an impact!

It was a reminder to me that when I read a post that is amazing, I need to push back any feelings of inadequacy at not thinking/writing it first and share it.

Friends let’s champion for one another. (<====Click to Tweet)

In those moments when we are feeling less than, let’s stamp out the lies and stand firm on the truth. We are each unique and necessary to God’s master plan for the world.

My audience is different than yours and if we cheer one another on in this battle who knows where our reach will extend to?!

On our God-sized Dreams website we have women that have written in with prayer requests from England and Mexico!

Can you believe that? That little thing that was started as a place to encourage has reached outside of American borders and offered hope to women we may never meet in person in this lifetime.

That is deeply humbling isn’t it?!

It wouldn’t be possible though if we didn’t work together. Let us continue to link arms together, support and challenge one another to be better because of His grace.

God has given us a great responsibility to reach out to our families, our communities and the lost and be a light. But for me to be effective – I need you.

I need to read your stories, they give me hope. Keep writing friends, keeping being Jesus with skin on in your communities and let’s overwhelm the darkness with a force of light the world has not ever seen before.

Standing firm, united with you all! It is an honor, a true honor to walk this journey with you!!

In Him, Kristin

31 Days of Finding God – WAKE

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Thank you for joining me in my series 31 Days of Finding God. Each day I am going to use a prompt from Kate and incorporate that into how I am finding God in my everyday!

Today’s prompt is Wake!

I hadn’t ever flown on Southwest Airlines before this past weekend. So for those of you who are also new to this, the idea is that you are assigned a boarding section A, B or C…and depending on that number you are allowed to get in line and pick your seat. They do not assign seats, so you want to be in the first boarding section if an aisle or window seat appeals most to you.

I decided to pay the extra $25 roundtrip and did early bird check in so I was able to get in the A section both times. I love the window, being able to see what is happening so far below, and not being in the middle row for 4 flights was worth the $$!!

As people continued to board after me there was a woman who came to the seat in the aisle in front of me. Apparently a gentleman, who had already boarded, had left his jacket on the seat and was back using the restroom. His brother was seated across the aisle.

The woman saw the jacket and demanded to know who’s it was. The man across the aisle said “that is my brother’s jacket, he is back in the bathroom”….so the woman starts asking people in the back (in a very loud and sarcastic voice) to check to see if there really is a man in the bathroom.

Now from my perspective initially, I wondered what this guy would need to lie about? But the woman wasn’t convinced. She picked up the jacket and moved it to the aisle seat in my row. Loudly stating something about her brother who was also on the plane and must be in the bathroom as well.

I was stunned.

Do people actually act like this in public? The man, frustrated and openly irritated, grabbed the jacket and headed further back in the plane.

Now maybe the brother was in a different boarding section and he really was saving a seat for him…but I am the type that likes to believe the best about people…I wanted to believe he was in the bathroom.

We have the ability to create waves don’t we?

Sometimes the wake from our waves is small, maybe we are short with our kids and the wake is felt, but doesn’t pull us or others down.

And then other times our actions and behaviors cause bigger wakes. Ones that roll and swirl and threaten to sweep us off our feet. Negativity can sure infect a space can’t it?!

Maybe when we are all fighting for the “best seat” we will do anything we can to get it? I don’t know…

That morning I felt like we needed to have some Allume on the plane. I spent the weekend talking and learning about hospitality. Discovering what it means to open our hearts and lives to others. Offering grace and being kind.

It is a message that we all need. Even the lady in 17A. I don’t want to judge her because I have acted the same in my own situations. Maybe not on a plane, but it happens when I get angry and yell at my kids, or fight with my husband over something silly.

So I am taking that experience as a lesson to me. To be more gracious, to give up my seat if necessary. To believe the best in others and love well even when others aren’t able to be kind and loving themselves.

Is this hard for you as well?

It is easy to judge, to believe a lie, be disrespectful and unkind. I think it can be hard work to be intentional about loving well. But I want it to be the posture of my heart, every day.

Now that I have written it out I guarantee that God will allow me many opportunities to practice this kind of love and grace. My prayer is that I will be a good and faithful servant, and that the wake that I create by my actions will be one of beauty and peace, so that I can continue to be a light in this dark world!

In Him, Kristin

Photo Credit: Vince Alongi

31 Days of Finding God – FREE {An Amazing Giveaway Day}

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Thank you for joining me in my series 31 Days of Finding God. Each day I am going to use a prompt from Kate and incorporate that into how I am finding God in my everyday!

Today’s prompt is Free!

I have been excited about today’s post for awhile now, and it just so happens that the prompt fits perfectly with the special giveaway that is planned!!

My god-sized dreamer friend Kayse contacted several of us a few weeks ago asking if we were interested in participating in a Everything Favorites giveaway. I love giveaways and have won several fun things from different sites in the past so it is awesome to be able to partner with some other bloggers to give away a stellar prize pack!! See all the wonderful women and their site links below and the prizes they have donated {{for free}}!

Kayse is giving away a collection of Martha Stewart Office items!
Britta is giving away a ConAir Power Facial Cleanser!
Jennifer is giving away a “Be Still” print!
Monica is giving away a Let It Go (by Karen Ehman) Study Pack!
Erika is giving away a super cute coffee cozy of your choice!
Carey is giving away Cravings, a daily devotional for moms!
Kristin (that’s me!) is giving away 2 books by Angie Smith – For Such A Time As This & Audrey Bunny!
Anna is giving away a candle, tea, and chocolate!
Bethany is giving away a Ginger & Lime Sugar Scrub & a 5ml bottle of Wild Orange Essential Oil!
Jamie is giving away a Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook!
Amanda is giving away a framed print and a $10 gift card to Starbucks!
Leeann is giving away a set of linen notecards!

My favorite things were two books written by Angie Smith. “For Such a Time As This” is her newest book for girls and it is so beautiful. The pictures are stunning and the stories look at women in the Bible and re-tell them so that our girls can understand and relate to them. And “Audrey Bunny” is a story about a bunny who feels she won’t ever belong, but learns an important lesson about being wonderfully made.

I am saying a little prayer that one of my readers wins this pack – so please enter below and good luck! 🙂

This giveaway runs all week and the winner will be drawn on October 31st!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

In Him, Kristin