Category Archives: Me. Faith

The Layers and In Between

The take-off began in the haze that had settled over Houston. The higher we climbed the cloudier it got.

It was bumpy at the onset, so my eyes were closed for a few minutes, and as I opened them we were just rising above the cloud line. Land was visible below in small spaces between the fluffy white clouds. I had a strong sense of the emerging that had just occurred. The layer that just minutes before been hazy and difficult to see through, was now clear and beautiful.

I started taking pictures with my phone, it may or may not have been “legal” at that point, but I couldn’t stop taking in Gods beauty.

The tops of the clouds looked like cotton balls that had been stretched apart for the beard of a Kindergarten Santa project. Soft and inviting, comfortable even!

As the plane rose, the skyline changed once again. I am not a meteorologist (BIG shocker I know!!) so I don’t know the technical term, but the next layer of clouds was flat, like fog almost. But off in the distance were spots where clouds were shooting up into the sky above in billowy formations.

I wondered if storms were brewing below them.

Have you ever been in a place that right where you are is flat and calm but you were able to see the storms on the horizon? You are sure something is happening just below the surface but you aren’t positive what it is. Will it bring a difficulty? A time of testing? Maybe an opportunity to trust in God?

Would you join me over at God-sized Dreams to read the rest of the post?!

I Lay Me Down

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“God-sized dreams will ultimately mean dying to yourself.” Holley Gerth

I am a selfish person by nature. Maybe we all are in some way, but I feel like it is really an area of sin in my life.

When I started this blog after being accepted to the God-sized Dream team, I had some big plans for me. Big exposure, possible income from writing, being a contributor on a blog/website….not bad things necessarily, but my heart was really focused on what was in it for me.

But in October, when I attended Allume, God really broke my heart and in a good way. I walked away with less information about how to grow this site, and a more of a desire to give back to others.

In Holley’s devotional she says this “Because our God-sized dreams aren’t really about us at all. They’re about the kingdom, God’s purposes in our generation, his refining work in our lives.”

It is a daily dying to my selfish nature and asking God to direct my path and my heart for His people.

There is a worship song by Chris Tomlin called “Lay Me Down” and when I was thinking about this idea, the chorus came to mind….

“I lay me down
Im not my own
I belong to you alone
Lay me down
Lay me down
Hand on my heart
This much is true
There’s no life apart from you
Lay me down
Lay me down
Oh oh oh
Lay me down
Lay me down”

I am not MY own…I am His.

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Abraham understands this idea of laying down his dreams doesn’t he? After waiting 100 years, God gives Abraham and Sarah a son, just as He had promised. Then we see that God asks Abraham to lay down that very thing that meant so much to him….

Genesis 22:1-2 “After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” 2 He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.”

For many of us, this story of Abraham and Isaac is a familiar one. And once again as I was reading these passages, I was prompted to dig a little deeper and it revealed even more to me!

I was curious about the first verse “After these things God tested Abraham…..” I wasn’t sure “what things” it was referring to so I backed up a little in Genesis and discovered even more.

Farther back in the story we see that Sarah, who not getting pregnant on her own, orders Abraham to go and be with her maidservant. Hagar does get pregnant and has a son, Ishmael.

As a side note – can I just say that I love that God still keeps his promise to Sarah and she also gets pregnant – even though she tried to play God herself. At some point, as the children are growing, Sarah sees Ishmael laughing and she gets upset. Sarah orders Abraham to cast Hagar and Ishmael out.

Genesis 21:12 “But God said to Abraham, “Be not displeased because of the boy and because of your slave woman. Whatever Sarah says to you, do as she tells you, for through Isaac shall your offspring be named.”

Did you catch that?

“Through Isaac shall your offspring be named”

So now we find ourselves at that pivotal moment when Abraham is placing his beloved son on the altar which he has built and is getting ready to sacrifice him just as God has asked.

Being obedient and willing, but yet hopeful.

God had promised Abraham that through Isaac his offspring shall be named.

God had been faithful in fulfilling His promises in Abraham’s past. Maybe not in the time frame he had anticipated, but Abraham trusted God regardless…even if it meant laying down his son on an altar. And how could Isaac have offspring if he were dead?

Abraham must of had faith that God would provide….he maybe didn’t know how He would provide, but he trusted that He would.

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So I look at my own journey to see if I have had a similar faith. And oh how I have failed miserably most of the time!

Recently there were a couple of things that I had committed to doing, wanted to do even, but I felt a very strong sense that I was supposed to go and ask for grace and step away for a season. It was hard but the “No” was so powerful I didn’t dare ignore it! 🙂

Sometimes what God is asking us to do goes against what we feel is best for us. Only because He knows the better that He has planned!

I have a friend who has lots of wonderful dreams and ambitions, and yet she has felt a pull lately to lay all of them down right now for rest. Rest is not what she wanted to hear at this time, but it IS what she heard…so she is being obedient and stepping back from her dream chasing for now.

I believe that this level of obedience comes from a constant turning over of all selfish things to God. Staying in prayer over those things we have the opportunity to participate in, and being open to laying them down if that is what God is asking us to do.

These journeys we are on won’t always be easy and I am not always certain about what path my dreaming will take me. But I can be sure about the One who is leading me.

Today I am linking up with my dreamer sisters over at God-sized Dreams….join us?!

Photo Credit: kindonnelly

The Knots in Me

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I have always thought that trees have such a unique beauty to them.

Each tree is different, each beautiful in it’s own way. We have a birch tree out in our front yard and I love everything about it. With its knots and bumps and peeling bark, there is something so pure about them isn’t there?

I was curious about what causes the knots that you see in trees and this is what the amazing world of the www. and ehow.com revealed. 😉

“As trees grow and mature, they often develop knots and other imperfections. The presence of knots is most noticeable when the tree is cut down for timber. Knots sometimes weaken timber, but can also be manipulated for their artistic quality in finished products. Usually knots are a normal part of tree growth; however, they can be the result of disease or improper pruning.” (ehow.com)

Don’t you just love that?

The knots can weaken the tree, but they can also make the tree and its lumber more beautiful.

Oh how I could relate to that!

I too have many “knots”.

Some may not be visible to the outside world, but my past, my experiences, those things that have caused me to groan and grow have all left a “knot” in my body.

At times all I can see are the imperfections.

And it is true that some of these “knots” have weakened me, brought me to my knees.

But they have also created something beautiful in me as well. They have given me a story to tell, a way to offer hope, a reason to encourage.

My dear friend Lisa, who blogs at The Copper Anchor, took on the HUGE task of updating my blog design.

I had no idea what I wanted. I pinned some colors and font styles to a Pinterest board but really had nothing creative to offer her.

God has given Lisa a gift of vision that I clearly don’t have.

When she emailed me the graphic she had come up with I literally gasped.

Unknown to her and to me…it was exactly what I wanted but couldn’t articulate.

It was perfect.

In her words as she first revealed it to me…. “And as far as the tree goes…I was kind of at a loss which direction to go with this, so I did the only thing I knew…pray for guidance. And the next day when I was looking for graphic images, I saw it! I’m usually I’m not very confident about things like this, but this time, I just knew.”

God revealed the VERY design that was perfect for me and this space.

I hope that you love it as much as I do.

As we continue this journey together, more knots will likely be revealed. I am not perfect, not even close and I have found that when I share my defects here I grow and God’s beauty is revealed.

And I want this space to be about His work in me – imperfections, knots and all.

Thank you Lisa for your beautiful design, for trusting God with the details and working so hard on the changes. I am praying that God blesses you in abundance for all you have done for me!

Photo Credit: Joel Olives

Hardships & Hopelessness

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I had the incredible honor of sharing a part of my story over at Wifessionals today. I have always been so impressed by Kaitlyn’s heart for women. She has a genuine desire to help others, whether it is to grow their blog, promote their business or encourage them with stories of life and faith. When she asked me to share a bit of my story with you I was humbled at the opportunity. My hope is that this will touch someone in a similar situation and show that even in the darkest of times there is hope!

2011 – 2012 were difficult years for my family. Here is a brief timeline – My husband had moved to a neighboring state for a new job we felt led to take, I was pregnant with our 4^th child, we finally moved back together as a family after 8 months apart and then in the next 6 months both found ourselves unemployed and facing the real possibility of bankruptcy and foreclosure!

I went from feeling clearly that we were doing what God had called us to do, to completely doubting His voice and His plan.

It was a very dark time for me. Have you been there?

Have you ever found yourself in a place that you couldn’t have imagined you’d be and wonder why God had forgotten you?

I know that isn’t the “pretty” scenario I’d like to be able to portray to you, but apparently I am a little stubborn {ahem} and often times I have to learn my faith lessons backwards. So in an effort to keep it real I wanted to share about this time because in the end, I think you will be able to see the hope that sprang forth.

It was one thing for my husband to lose his job, that was scary yes but when my 13 year position was “outsourced” only 6 weeks later, well any thread of hope I had left was completely shredded.

I’d love to have you join me over at Kaitlyn’s blog to read the rest of my story! And if you blog there is a link up to share your own story as well!

The Podium

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Photo Credit: Andy Nguyen

When I was in the 6th grade we had an assignment to read a book and then write a report from the perspective of one of the characters in the story. For the life of me I can’t remember what book it is I read, but I think it had something to do with a young girl and her brother that was kidnapped and the effect it had on their family.

I wrote from the perspective of the sister and how her family was changed because of her brother’s disappearance. For some reason my teacher asked me to record my speech. I had to dress up in character, memorize my report and then I went down to this local Owl TV station and was videoed sharing my report.

It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

Around that same time my mom started bringing me to the Christian Women’s Club breakfasts. We would dress up all fancy, go to the country club and eat a fun meal and hear a woman share her testimony of faith. These meetings were very influential in building my faith but they also placed in me a desire to do the same.

I wanted to be that woman, the one with a story to tell. The one who shared why her faith in Jesus made things better. I dreamed of standing behind a podium, making a difference.

To Continue Reading join me over at God-sized Dreams where I share the rest of my story! And then link up your own post with us as we talk about naming our dreams.