Category Archives: Faith

He Calls the Broken

I LOVE to sing.

Worship music has long been the one thing that can lift my mood and bring me to the feet of Jesus. I LOVE singing praise songs. I haven’t honestly even heard a secular station in years. Doesn’t do anything for me….so I listen instead to songs that have an uplifting message…good in, good out right?

I wish I had taken voice lessons when I was younger and had learned how to use my voice better. I sing well, I think God has given me a good voice but it is no Natalie Grant! Within the last year I have become involved with our church’s worship team.

I love singing, love the practices, love seeing the people in the church praising God. It terrifies me every week I am on stage, but I do it because I love it. I don’t believe for a second that I am “better” than anyone else when I am up there…I am just using the gift God gave me to help lead worship.

But I have struggled with this a little.

I used to believe that I needed to have my life all together before I had the “right” to be up there singing. I wanted to be involved but I knew that I was a failure, a hypocrite and a sinner and God calls the perfect right?

At least that is what the enemy likes to whisper to me….and for a long time I believed it.

And one day someone (so sorry I can’t remember who…) said the following and it stuck with me.

God doesn’t call the perfect – He perfects the called.

Oh such sweet music to this broken girl’s heart.

I don’t have to have it all together. I probably never will. And I can guarantee that I have a LOT of growing and refining to do. But knowing that God has called me to a specific purpose, and knowing that He will equip me along the way is enough for me right now.

It gives me the courage to say “yes” to being a part of something that is for His glory and not my own.

Today in our fall Hello Mornings challenge we were introduced to Paul – or at the time Saul.

Acts 9: 1-9 “But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest ²and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. ³Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him. ⁴And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him,“Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” ⁵And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. ⁶But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.” ⁷The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. ⁸Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus.⁹And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.”

It was another reminder that God calls the broken, the angry, the sinner….

He called Saul – called Him by name. A man who was set on murdering the disciples. He used a man like that! Why in the world wouldn’t He use you and I?

I don’t know what your past looks like. What demons may be hiding in the shadows trying to tell you that you will never be enough.

You know what…maybe you won’t be “enough” but you don’t have to be!! God is enough for each of us and it is through Him and by Him that we are redeemed. God uses the redeemed. And that is you!

Don’t ever forget how valuable you are to God….how He has called you by name, broken and beautiful you!

The Buckle

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She is only 2 1/2 but she is fiercely independent and smarter than it seems she should be for her age. And sassy….oh the sass. I am a little frightened at what the teenage years will be like, I am going to spend those years praying I can guarantee!

Recently she figured out how to buckle herself into her car seat. Helpful for certain and we celebrated her success. Then she figured out how to unbuckle the clasp….

Oh that buckle, that infuriating buckle.

She has decided that she no longer wants to wear the upper straps of her 5-point harness, and since she can undo her own buckle she takes great liberty in making herself quite comfortable in her seat.

And so it goes, every time we are in the van for any length of time, the buckle comes undone. And then the argument insues. “Karlena – put your straps on” “No!” “Karlena – it isn’t safe, please put your straps on” “Noooooo!” “KARLENA (insert mama’s impatient tone) PUT YOUR STRAPS ON!!!” “NOOOOOOO – followed by what I call “extreme spitting”.

Oh you haven’t lived through a good toddler tantrum until you have experienced extreme spitting!

Sigh…

Last night on the ride home she followed her exuberant spitting with screams and cries. Lots and lots of screams and cries. For over a full hour she carried on and there wasn’t anything that I could do about it.

I even stopped about 45 minutes in at a McDonalds, at 10pm at night, to buy some cookies in hopes of bribing her with chocolate.

She saw past my ploy and refused to take one….she is one strong willed girl.

I on the other hand am not. I ate her cookie and mine as she screamed on.

Finally at some point her body tired to the point that she couldn’t fight any longer and she fell fast asleep.

As I glanced back at her, mouth slightly open and peaceful, I couldn’t help but think about my own “fight”.

We wear our seat belts because they protect us. They can keep us safe from injury. This is super important when driving in SW MN, the “deer on the side of the road state”. We frequently travel through an area lovingly labeled “the kill zone” because of the large number of deer killed in that several mile stretch every year. So many that once they had piles of dead deer stacked on the side of the road for pickup.

But I digress….

There is a reason that we believe in the validity of the buckle, the strap….

I thought about my relationship with God. How walking with Him, following His path keeps me safe. He is my buckle, He is my strap.

But if I am honest there are times that the buckle and the strap feel too constricting. I think that I know best and just want “freedom”…so I undo the buckle and tuck the straps behind me.

Of course when trouble hits, and God is gently calling me back under His care, I choose to rage instead.

I too have mastered the tantrum of a child who hasn’t gotten their way. While it typically doesn’t include “extreme spitting”, the behavior itself usually isn’t much better. I blame, I scream and shake my fists. I swear and cry and ask God “why”? And at some point my body is weak and I give up the fight.

I have been to this place enough times to know that my perspective is always different in hindsight. That in the thick of the fight I can’t see the benefit of the buckle. I can’t see how any good can possibly come from a difficult situation.

But as I reflect on the past 17 years, on all we have been through, how God has redeemed so many areas of my life. How he has taken the broken and the ugly and made so many things new. At times I shake my head in disbelief at how generous this God of mine is. How much He truly loves me.

Funny now how I have come to appreciate the buckle and the strap. Come to see how clothing myself in the Word of God is important and necessary. That if I want to really know who He is and understand the full benefits of His plan for my life I have to invest in my relationship with Him.

And let’s be real, at times the investment is tough. It can feel constricting…and I want the buckle off. I make excuses of why I don’t have time. But as I look back on my life and remember all God has done for us even when I wasn’t making Him a priority in my life, I am encouraged to seek Him completely and embrace the comfort that His buckle has to offer.

Yes it is a buckle that I am grateful to wear…it has brought a multitude of blessings and I am so grateful.

Where do you find yourself today friends? Are you fighting the security of His hand or relaxing in the peace He offers? My prayer is that you may seek to know Him and discover the peace that trusting only Him can bring.

Linking up with Fellowship Fridays and Imperfect Prose.

Run to Him

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I have been slowly reading through the book of John with my Hello Mornings group this summer. I have loved this and have been learning so much about Jesus, His walk on earth and about His character.

I will be honest that I have struggled in the past reading the Bible on my own. I just find myself overwhelmed by it all and so as an excuse, stay away from really diving in and trying to understand it. This challenge has “forced” me (in a good way) to really study the verses and do my best to understand them. Then we share our thoughts as a group and my understanding and insight grows.

It has been just what I needed in this season of my life.

The past few days we have looked at the death and resurrection of Lazarus. (John 11:1-44) I have heard teachings on these verses before. One specifically was in the book “I Will Carry You” by Angie Smith. I don’t have the book with me so can’t quote her words verbatim, but the imagery stuck with me…and I am going to share it with you, so keep reading! 🙂

As we read in John, Lazarus is sick – John 1-3 “A man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. This was the same Mary who massaged the Lord’s feet with aromatic oils and then wiped them with her hair. It was her brother Lazarus who was sick. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Master, the one you love so very much is sick.”

This is a close friend of Jesus…and what is His response??

When Jesus got the message, he said, John 11: 4-7 “This sickness is not fatal. It will become an occasion to show God’s glory by glorifying God’s Son.” Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus, but oddly, when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed on where he was for two more days. After the two days, he said to his disciples, “Let’s go back to Judea.”

His close friend is dying, and He waits.

As someone who has lost a best friend, I know the anguish of hearing the end was near and wanting to get on the first plane possible to be there….and yet He waits.

He waits, not because He doesn’t care, but because He can see a bigger outcome – one where God will be glorified.

By the time Jesus arrives to the home of Lazarus he has been dead and buried for four days. Martha gets word that Jesus is finally coming and “Martha heard Jesus was coming and went out to meet him.”

Here is where the imagery comes in….as I remember Angie writing she said that Martha ran to Jesus. Can you see her? A woman in her long robes, picking up her skirts and running to Jesus.

Is she hurting? Absolutely, her brother has just died and her Savior didn’t show up in time to save him.

Is she angry? My guess would be yes! I would be!!

But what is her response?

She runs TO Jesus.

She does question Him – John 11:21-22 “Martha said, “Master, if you’d been here, my brother wouldn’t have died. Even now, I know that whatever you ask God he will give you.”

but see Jesus’ response….so beautiful.

John: 25-26 “You don’t have to wait for the End. I am, right now, Resurrection and Life. The one who believes in me, even though he or she dies, will live. And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all. Do you believe this?”

27 “Yes, Master. All along I have believed that you are the Messiah, the Son of God who comes into the world.”

Is she upset and hurt, maybe angry and confused – YES!!

But she believes…all along she has believed.

Then Martha goes to get Mary, see her response – John 11: 28 After saying this, she went to her sister Mary and whispered in her ear, “The Teacher is here and is asking for you.”

29-32 The moment she heard that, she jumped up and ran out to him. Jesus had not yet entered the town but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When her sympathizing Jewish friends saw Mary run off, they followed her, thinking she was on her way to the tomb to weep there. Mary came to where Jesus was waiting and fell at his feet, saying, “Master, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Is she angry, upset, hurt? YES

But what is her response?

She runs TO Jesus.

As we all know this familiar story, we know the final outcome. Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. God gets the glory.

But my takeaway from this study is the reactions of these beautiful women.

Of anyone, these are some of Jesus’ closest followers, they expected their brother would be saved because they had seen Jesus perform miracles. If for a stranger – of course for a close friend right?

And when things don’t go as they had planned they have a choice (don’t we all??!) and regardless of how they are feeling, they still choose to run to Jesus.

I wish I could say that my response was the same.

Unfortunately at times of great stress, I too get angry, I too question God – but instead of running TO Him – I run away. Convinced His love wasn’t available to me too. Choosing to remain in my bitterness and resentment of how things turned out, I shut out God in my life.

It isn’t pretty and it isn’t a place I ever want to remain long…if ever!

What I see from this example in John is how we can choose to respond.

Those situations of trials, death and loss and frustration WILL come. It is promised to us. John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Instead of running away, let’s follow the examples of Mary and Martha…. and when those troubles come……RUN Run to Him. Don’t shut God out but press into Him, rely on Him for strength and trust in the promise that He has overcome the world.

Five Minute Friday – After

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Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is AFTER– ready, set go –

We seem to be living in the “After”. It is a beautiful and lovely place to be – but it didn’t come without cost.

I was visiting with a good friend the other night on the phone. She knows LOTS of the details of our “before”. She has heard the stories of how broken Dominic and I were. She has heard how God slowly, but faithfully redeemed every dark part. And she is witness to our living free in the “after”.

It is something that I don’t want to forget – because I don’t ever want to loose the gratefulness I feel, but I also don’t think that we need to live in that place any more. We don’t have to be defined by our “before”…but instead because of God’s rich grace – we need to live fully in the after.

Sometimes I wish I could share all the details here….not because I am proud of them – but because I know personally how God took something hopeless and made it whole. God gave us an after – when at one time we could only see an end. Our lives are a miracle…and one I don’t take lightly.

I live in the after – but it isn’t because I made it possible. The only thing that I did was get just a little bit willing to give up control and let God lead the way. The rest, the after, is all His glory!!

Where do you find yourself today? Are you living in the freedom of the after or are you still bound by the chains of your before? It’s time to walk in the light friends!!

My new Facebook status and what Easter is all about

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I am a “comfortable” Christian. There I said it….I’m not proud of it – but now the truth is out there.

I love God, believe in His Word and I am constantly amazed at His sacrifice for me. But when it comes to standing up for what I believe in, I get quiet. I don’t want to offend anyone, step on someone’s toes…and if I am honest, (sigh) lose readers here.

I do want this to be a place of encouragement, where I can share my faith journey and hopefully give light to someone who is hurting. But God doesn’t call us to be silent about His Truth’s.

Facebook and the media have exploded recently over talk of equal rights and supporting gay marriage and supporting the woman’s “right to choose abortion”. Talk of Victoria’s Secret and their new “line” targeted at young pre-teen girls….As a society we want to make sin, of all kinds, “ok”….to sweep it under the rug, and I honestly feel sick at times about all of it and wonder what kind of world we are raising our kids in?

Here we are just a few days from Good Friday and there are more people changing their FB picture to an “equal” sign than showing reverence for the sacrifice that Christ made for us.

I think for many of us (even me included at times), we fail to reflect on just why we have “Easter” to celebrate in the first place.

And we fail to consider that Christ made such an unimaginable sacrifice on our behalf.

Because of our sin.

Romans 3:23 “For ALL (my emphasis added) have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.”

That includes me – trust me, I am all too aware of my daily sin. I sin with my attitude towards my husband and my children, I sin every time I get angry and hurt someone with my words. I sin when I am unkind and unloving, judgmental and “conditional”….the list goes on and on.

I am acutely aware that even as a “Christian”, I am a sinner in need of daily grace.

But I don’t have to stay in that pit. There is hope!!

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

THAT my friends should be our FB status. That God, a God with all power and authority – who could literally crush me at any moment, loved me so much that he gave the ultimate sacrifice – his only Son, to be scourged and beaten to within inches of His life, to be nailed to a cross, to die for the sin of all mankind – then and now, past, present and future.

Can you even wrap your arms around the weight of that?

And how do we show our gratitude?

As a society, we look out for Number 1. We are selfish and self-centered. We want what we want, when we want it. We are told that the Bible is a book of the past and shouldn’t be honored in “modern times”, God is being removed anything “Public” as to not offend someone with different beliefs….and we just take that sacrifice and spit in the face of it as we bathe in our sin of “what’s in it for me”.

Hear me on this (if you are even still with me) I recognize that any finger it may seem I have pointed at you there are 3 more pointed back at me. I have been guilty of the same. I am NOT judging you. I can love the sinner and hate the sin. But I have been convicted of these truths in recent days and can’t stay quiet about it.

You see, through trials I didn’t think we would survive, and in good times that seem too abundant, God has reached in and touched my soul in a way that I can’t fully explain. He has made beauty out of what was once ashes and I can no longer walk unrepentant.

Acts 3:19 “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord”.

Yes God sacrificed for me and in humbleness I must do the same. Turn from my sin, my pride…repent and follow Him with my whole heart.

And walk unafraid. My only concern should be how my heart is with God and not how many people “like” my page, or “friend” me and “follow” me here.

Lord I come to you ugly and broken, filled with more of the world and not enough of You. Give me the strength to be fearless in You – no matter the cost. Thank you for caring enough about me to send Christ to this world so that there isn’t an “end” when I die. Only hope and promise. Thank you for reminding me what is really important in this life, I can’t express my gratitude enough Lord.

Isaiah 53:1-12 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
²He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

⁴Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
⁶We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

⁷He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
⁸By oppression^[a] and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.^[b]
⁹He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

¹⁰Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes^[c] his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
¹¹After he has suffered,
he will see the light of life^[d] and be satisfied^[e];
by his knowledge^[f] my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
¹²Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,^[g]
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,^[h]
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

*** I am attaching a link to the end of this post to a YouTube video from the Passion of the Christ movie. As a warning this is NOT a scene for young children to see – it is the “whipping” scene…and it is difficult to watch. But doesn’t that make Chris’t sacrifice so much more amazing? I am humbled and awed at His love for me…..***

The Passion of the Christ

The way He loves me

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**Linking up with Kristen today over at Chasing Blue Skies to join in her weekly “out of the Blue” series. Today we are encouraged to write about “Answered Prayer“! And specifically “How did the Lord answer a prayer for you in a way that surprised you?”

One of the coolest things that I have come to discover about my God is the way that he really loves me. Broken, scarred and unworthy – yet He lavishes His love out on me time and time again.

Our story of marriage and parenthood isn’t conventional. We didn’t necessarily do things, how can I say this….well “the way we should have”. But young (21), naive and in no way ready to be parents, Dominic and I found ourselves “expecting”.

It wasn’t the way that our parents had hoped for us…but we were filled with promise and so sure that we could make everything work out. And so we dove in head first into this thing called marriage, and soon afterwards, parenthood.

Let me tell you we had NO IDEA what we were facing.

Take a mix of two selfish people and add unreasonable expectations of one another and a colicky baby…and you have a recipe for disaster. We were off to a rough start…and during several of those early years we stayed away from God. We didn’t go to church, we didn’t pray together, God just wasn’t at the center of our home…but we (well at least I) had this expectation that because we were both “Christians” at heart that God would work it out all for the good.

So we would find ourselves in a mess of some sort or another…and I would cry out for God to fix ~~him~~ I mean us. (No but really – I just wanted God to fix him…because certainly I was too holy to be a part of the “problem” right?!)

Oh boy – we were sure a pair. And we went down some pretty dark paths before coming to a point of hopelessness and willingness to do anything just to change.

And change came slowly, as it usually does….Dominic had his “seeing the light” moment before I did. And he started to change. Suddenly he was becoming the man that I had prayed for, for so long, but I was too angry and resentful to see it.

We started praying together in the mornings as a family…and when we would finish I would grumble under my breath something disrespectful. And one morning he stopped me and asked me why I was so angry….asked what he had done that morning to make me so upset?

And I didn’t have an answer…there was nothing. But I was angry and dark and desperate….and at that moment I knew that something had to change inside of me as well.

That was the start of a long healing process for me as well. Coming to see “my part” in the difficulties of our marriage. Starting to redefine who God was to me…and how I saw Him. For a long time I believed that because we had “sinned before marriage” and got pregnant….that God was punishing us long term.

The reality that I failed to recognize was that God was there the whole time, loving us. I was the one who had shut Him out.

So He patiently waited for me to want Him – want that relationship again – and when I did….well He didn’t hold back His love for us.

My husband is an amazing man of God. He is my rock when I am afraid of the unknown. He holds tight to the promises of God…even when we are walking in a dark season. He shows unconditional love to me – even when I am disrespectful. He is everything that I prayed for and more!

When I first prayed for those qualities in a husband, I wouldn’t have chosen the rocky path that we walked through….but looking back today I wouldn’t change it if I could – because it made us stronger, it made us better….

And knowing how far we have come, makes the reality of us working together now as a team, owning our own business….proof of God’s redemptive grace in our lives.

God is so good. He loves us so much…and while He might not always answer our prayers in the way we “hoped”…..it has been my experience that the end result is better than I could imagine!