Author Archives: kasmith03

31 Days of Seeking Him – Home

31 Days of Seeking Him

So often the pressures of this life, the need I feel to measure up and fit in, perform at top capacity, be a wonderful wife and mother…all of it becomes overwhelming.

Do you ever find yourself there? Frustrated, exhausted, and just plain done?

I know that I can’t do it all and yet I work myself ragged trying to do it anyway. I don’t like to ask for help and don’t want to admit that I don’t have it all together. I put on the nice clothes and the plastered smile and I pretend that everything is fine and the reality is, I am dying inside.

I set my standards to what I see in the world. I have made this place my home and I am laboring to fit in an environment that I really don’t “belong” to. No wonder it is so difficult!

Every once and awhile I pause though, I seek rest and comfort in the presence of my God. I open up my hands as an offering of myself. Admitting that I am struggling and I need help.

Guide me Lord.

I want my life to be a reflection of His grace. That abundant love that He has poured out on me, I want to be that towards those I come in contact with. I want my home to be a place of safety and refuge. A home where the striving for perfection is left at the door, and one where we are daily recognizing who we are IN Christ, BECAUSE of Christ.

I want to be His. Forever His.

I need to remember that this place is not my home, we are sojourners here. With one job really, how can I make the biggest impact for Christ during my time here?

So my focus starts to change as I seek Him. I am learning how to be brave as the unique woman He has created me to be. How to be a light in my home and my community.

Fully His, all for His glory.

And some day I will leave this earthly body and meet my Father in person and my prayer would be that I would be warmly greeted…”Welcome Home, Good and Faithful Servant.”

31 Days of Seeking Him – Embrace

31 Days of Seeking Him

For many years “change” was a swear word in my mind. I didn’t like it, didn’t accept it or walk through it well. It was more of a kicking and screaming type of scenario if we are being honest.

Change meant having to learn something new, I wasn’t at the top of my game any longer. It meant being uncomfortable or stretched. And while I can always see the benefits of a growing period after the fact, while I am in the thick of it I am pretty miserable.

But change is inevitable. Do you have a hard time embracing it like I do?!

I have 4 kids, one in college, another in middle school, kindergarten and preschool. There is a lot of change in our home ALL.THE.TIME. I work with my husband every day. When we started working together there was some change that had to happen, most specifically in my attitude.

It was painful, mostly for Dominic, because I was fighting it the entire time.

But recently I have come to embrace the changes that are happening, and continue to happen in our lives.

Sending our oldest off to college was a big deal for this “feeling” mama. I worried about all of the things he might be faced with, wondered if he could handle his tough course load and being away from our family…it was enough to suffocate me.

And then the morning after we moved him into his dorm, God gave me a picture of him. I can’t explain it really but to say that I saw him in his cap and gown. I knew he was graduating…he had done it. And at that moment I knew he would be ok.

Sure he will face difficult times, there will be change and challenges and probably a few mistakes along the way…but it is a natural part of the growing process.

He too will learn from these changes if he embraces them, presses into them. I am confident that he will succeed. And I am excited to be a part of that journey, cheering him on.

When I am seeking God, searching for His guidance during these times of change and uncertainty, I can move forward and embrace all that is to come.

31 Days of Seeking Him – Capture

31 Days of Seeking Him

I am not a professional when it comes to taking pictures, but I have always dreamed of learning some day. I have a fairly nice camera but I only know how to operate it on the manual settings. I don’t know anything about shutter speed, or aperture.

But I love that pictures capture a snapshot of a moment in time. 

I was driving out of town one evening and the sunset that was displayed across the sky behind me was amazing.

The reds, oranges and yellows painted the sky, the clouds danced in its beauty and I wanted to just stop and take it all in.

I snapped a quick picture of my review mirror view because I wanted to capture the sight. Sunsets happen quickly, within moments the sun had set and the sky lost its brilliance.

mirror sunset

As I drove I praised God for His creation.

So often I forget, I don’t take the time to really see the beauty that is around me.

I get hurried and stressed and can’t see past my own “problems”, if you can even call life that. It’s just life. Yes at times it is a frenzy, if you are in my home there may just be a child screaming at one point or another. It is not typically the type of environment that you sit and just drink in the beauty around you! 😉

But God’s creation IS all around us. Sometimes we just have to stop and see it. Really see it. Recognize it as the handiwork of a pretty talented Creator.

Snap a picture, write it down, sit quietly in prayer, capture these moments and thank God for them. If we are seeking Him with our lives we will see them.

And the view, whether in front of us or in our rear-view mirror, is stunning.

31 Days of Seeking Him – Family

31 Days of Seeking Him

It has been almost a week since we gathered together to celebrate a man who has had such an impact on our entire family.

My grandpa passed away suddenly a little over a week ago. It was a shock to all of us and while the weekend was filled with tears and the reality of our loss, it was also filled with precious time with family.

We found places to sit in all corners of my grandma’s home. Voices filled the air, sharing stories about grandpa and also about their own lives. The young kids found joy in playing with one another and giggled in the depths of the “hidey hole” under the stairs.

I met the husband of one cousin for the first time and heard stories of another who is teaching in Columbia.

We ate good food and celebrated family. It wasn’t the reason we had hoped to gather together, but we didn’t waste an opportunity to soak it all in.

We didn’t take a single picture. I had good intention to do so, but the reality was we just spent those hours doing life together. We don’t have a physical picture to remember the time but instead we created memories that will last a lifetime.

They are a gift.

I haven’t always appreciated taking the time to gather in that way. When we lose someone we love it is easy to feel guilty about all the opportunities missed. My husband had said just a month ago or so that we should take a trip up to visit my grandparents….he said we never know how much time we have left. We had no idea how true that statement would be.

We never made time for the trip and I wish we would have. But instead of focusing on those regrets that we can’t change now, we made the most of the time that we had together in that moment.

It is a honor to be a part of this family, this legacy of love and faith.

God brought us together and I was so aware of the strong family of faith that we have as a result. It is my prayer that I might carry on that legacy in my own family. It is why seeking after Him with my whole heart is so important.

My mom said it herself that my grandpa was a man that sought after God every day. Even in his death he wanted the focus of his funeral to be on God and not what he did…but all that God did.

Seeking God in our daily lives can have a lasting impact on our family. And the blessings that come from that faith are such a gift.

31 Days of Seeking Him – Calling

31 Days of Seeking Him

Can I be honest with you? I struggle with the idea of a calling at times. Not only do I wonder IF I have been called to anything specific, what if I am not prepared, what if I can’t handle it or don’t want to handle it?!

And even worse, what if I haven’t heard my calling…maybe I missed it and am on a wrong path all together?!

We can spend a lot of time spinning our wheels in the drudgery of “what ifs” can’t we?!

And then I read the verses from 2 Timothy 1:8-9 “So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. He has saved is and called us to a holy life – not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.” (NIV)

God has called us to a holy life.

I don’t need to get caught up in all of the other things I think I should be doing. Worried that I am not measuring up.

Because of grace, not because of anything I have done, God has called me. He has saved me.

Shouldn’t that always be our starting point?

When we are trying to determine what it is that God wants us to do, start first here. He has called us to a holy life.

Am I starting my day in prayerful consideration of what I might do FOR God instead of what He is doing for me?

Honestly, most days no.

But these verses are a reminder to me where I can start…where I should start.

I have been called as one of His children. If I am seeking His face each day, bringing my joys and my pains to Him…seeking ways to be a testimony of His grace to others in everything that I do…well as we say around here “everybody wins”!

Rest in the knowledge dear friend that you too have been called by a Father who loves you beyond measure.

Seeking Him First

31 Days of Seeking Him

Tomorrow starts my series of 31 Days of Seeking Him and I invite you to join me in the journey.

I wrote these words initially for this space here, but as I am entering into this new month I am seeing that these words were meant for me as well.

I have been hearing a song on the radio recently that speaks so completely to what I want to see in my own life of seeking God. Lauren Daigle’s FIRST.

For so many years I have used God when it suited me. I came calling in the midst of crisis, asking for help. I had a heart of thankfulness for all He has done but I wasn’t living in that gratitude.

I want my life to be a seeking of God FIRST.

Before I bring my requests, my sorrows and demands…I want to seek Him, to know Him fully first.

Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
Before I lift my cares
I will lift my arms
I wanna know You
I wanna find You
In every season
In every moment
Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
And seek You

Before everything else, I want to seek God.

This doesn’t come naturally to me, I’ve got to be honest. I am selfish and self centered and look out for what makes ME feel best first.

But there are some strongholds in my life that have been present for FAR TOO LONG. I am over them, I want them out and I am coming to the realization once again that I need to let go of it all and first seek God.

Before I speak a word
Let me hear Your voice
And in the midst of pain
Let me feel Your joy
Ooh, I wanna know You
I wanna find You
In every season
In every moment
Before I speak a word
I will bring my heart
And seek You

So it is my prayer that through this month we might walk together on this path of seeking God first. Of listening to His voice and finding Him in every moment of our day.

You are my treasure and my reward
Let nothing ever come before
You are my treasure and my reward
Let nothing ever come before
I seek You

Our treasure and reward is God Himself. What a gift to have a Father that loves us so unconditionally and seeks to bless us. Oh that my life would be a reflection of gratitude for all God has done for me.

I am sharing the video of the song below. I hope it blesses you as it has me. Email Subscribers, please click here to watch the video!

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbWQV3OiRqA[/youtube]

A Rich History

church 2

Today we honored a man who has provided such a rich history for our extended family. A husband, father, grandpa, uncle, brother and friend…a man who touched many lives. And yet this man, deserving of honor and praise, wanted those attending his funeral to know that it wasn’t about him, but about Him.

His greatest wish in leaving instructions about his service was that the message be about the God that offered immeasurable grace to him. The God that poured out His blessings on my extended family. My grandpa wanted everyone to know his Savior. THAT was what is most important about today.

The message shared was filled with hope. Hope in the eternal life offered by trusting in Jesus. My grandpa was able to see God’s hand throughout his life and while it wasn’t always easy…he trusted God.

What an amazing legacy he left us.

The committal ceremony was at the cemetery across from the church my grandparents were married in. We had an opportunity to go into that church after the ceremony and see where they had exchanged nuptials a little over 67 years ago.

My great uncle Al, who grew up in the church, told us a few stories about the history of the building. Re-built in the early 30’s after a fire destroyed it, the church that stands today looks just like the church before the fire. They rebuilt it exactly the same!

The walls were lined with huge stained glass windows. Windows that apparently cost $66 back in 1932. Cheap in todays standards, but in the Depression it was a lot of money.

church 1

The original organ was destroyed in the fire and a new one was placed in the balcony. It was HUGE and apparently made beautiful music.

church 3

Al told the story of when the church was on fire all the farmers from around the area were called and they worked to save as much as they could before the fire destroyed it all. The pews were screwed to the floor and somehow in the fight to save them, these men ripped the pews out of the ground without unscrewing them! They also worked to save the alter before the rest was lost.

church 4

The wall behind the alter was destroyed but then rebuilt. The stunning beauty of all of that woodwork was amazing.

Apparently earlier that day a couple had exchanged marriage vows, just like my grandparents did 67 years ago.

I felt very aware of the juxtaposition of one new life full of hope and promise just beginning and another life lived so well, ending. 

67 years ago I would guess that my grandparents exchanged vows filled with excitement and hope. Promising to love one another until death would part them, they stepped out in faith and trusted God with their new life together.

church 5

They would face heartache yes, but also experienced years filled with the blessing of family and God was with them through it all. My grandpa loved his community and worked to serve others. He volunteered on different boards and committees. He gave generously in so many ways. He sought to share the blessings God had given him. He had a true servants heart.

Some of those very things that are a part of my natural makeup come from him. What a rich history he left me.

I am so fortunate to have been raised in a Christian home. The legacy of faith passed along from generation to generation will make an impact that even I can’t fully appreciate right now. Just like the beauty in the walls of an old church, we each have a story to tell.

I think that is one reason I love to write and tell stories, the good and the bad. When I share all that God has done in my life, I am establishing that rich history. There have been fires at times, situations that felt overwhelming. But as I look back at all the ways God has been with us, I can see how He made beauty out of ashes.

Yes today we remembered my grandpa and celebrated his life, but even more so we praised the God that offered grace to each one of us by sending His Son. My grandpa wanted everyone to know that peace. To experience the full life that can be found in a life lived with God. I am honored to have had him as my grandpa and grateful that his faith will live on in my life and my family.

A rich history indeed.

Steady Heart

Steady Heart

This past Sunday my friends Erin and Joy shared the song “Steady Heart” during our worship service.

I love me a good worship song, especially one that I can learn to sing the harmony along to. So l listened to that song on repeat when I heard they were singing it….I had no idea how much that song would minister to me this week.

When Erin introduced the song she talked about how it isn’t a song about OUR steady heart, but instead the steady heart of God. Because we don’t have steady hearts do we?

Life tosses us like waves in the ocean. At times the waters are calm, the sun is shining and we have just the right amount of sunscreen on that we tan but don’t burn. And then other times the sky turns dark and we can’t see what way is up. The waves build and the water threatens to drown us.

I can’t see what’s in front of me
Still I will trust You
Still I will trust You

Oh, I can’t see what’s in front of me
Still I will trust You
Still I will trust You

In these moments when we can’t even see what is in front of us…will we choose to trust God?

I can tell you in the past, heck just 2 days ago even…I struggled with this! I get overwhelmed and I just can’t trust in anything. I feel the current pulling me down and I am certain that I am done.

Steady heart that keeps on going
Steady love that keeps on holding
Lead me on

Steady grace that keeps forgiving
Steady faith that keeps believing
Lead me on

I forget in those times that I don’t have to swim, I just have to reach for the One who will do the swimming for me. He is my steady heart…my steady hand. He is holding me through it all.

Though the sky is dark and the wind is dark.
You’ll never leave me
You’ll never leave me

Though the night is long there is a coming dawn
The light is breaking
The light is breaking

Even having the hope we do in Christ…in moments of grief, sometimes all we can see is the dark. We know death isn’t the end, but yet we have to learn how to move forward. That can be overwhelming and I am no expert in walking through grief gracefully!

It has been almost 5 years since my best friend Karlena died. I still miss her…we don’t get over loss of a loved one like that. My grandma spent 67 years of her life with my grandpa by her side. Life for her won’t ever be the same and I think that I grieve that the most for her right now.

You are faithful
You will lead me
You are faithful

You will keep me
You are faithful
You will lead me on

But God IS faithful.

He didn’t promise that this life would be easy but He did promise that He would be with us. He would lead us and comfort us, walk with us in our grief and lead us on in the days to come.

I hold fast to that promise today.

I wanted to share this song with you and pray it ministers to your heart like it did mine. It isn’t my steady heart, but His that leads me.

 

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp80oWtnJc0[/youtube]

Email Subscribers Click Here to see the Video!

Original Photo Credit: EltonHarding modified for use here.

A Man Deserving of Honor

grandpa and grandma

I knew when I heard my dad’s message that something was wrong, I could hear it in his voice. I didn’t expect to hear the news I did though. Grandpa had collapsed, he is in the ER and it doesn’t look good.

Just a few hours earlier grandpa had commented on a photo I had posted on Facebook. Can I just tell you how much I loved that my 88 year old grandpa was on Facebook?! It just didn’t seem possible that this was happening.

I went home and told the kids that we needed to pray. My Elijah was so upset. He asked if he could write a letter to his great grandpa and then he drew him a picture of the two of them together. He was worried about great grandma because she would be alone.

At 7:25pm on Monday September 21st, my grandpa Paul left this world for the arms of Jesus. His legacy remains on in his family, but we are heartbroken and shocked and hurting right now.

It still seems impossible really as I write this. Knowing that inevitably this day would come for all of us, doesn’t make it any easier. How do you possibly honor a man than has made such an impact in our lives?

I am not sure that I can do it justice, but I want to try.

Trips to Chicago City were a highlight of my childhood. While the drive was LONG, the reward at the end was going up the long driveway to the big blue house that grandpa and grandma lived in.

If it were early enough we would run down the hill to go fishing off the dock. Grandpa would go with us out into the wooded area by the boat house and help us dig for earth worms. And when we would haul the stuffed pail back up the hill, grandpa would get out his filet knife and cutting board and set up shop over the washing machine and set to work.

He was meticulous about cleaning the fish and would describe what he was doing. I remember the skill with which he took care of the fish, I have even tried to replicate it…but no one could clean fish like grandpa.

Often my siblings and I would stay for a week or more without our parents. During the work week grandpa would get up early and was all dressed up in his dress shirt and tie and walk down the driveway to meet his carpool ride. Can I just talk a minute about the ties…oh the ties he had. He had more ties than I have shoes! 🙂 In his room and even in the closet in the basement. I loved looking at all of those ties when we would visit.

In the evenings we would run down to wait for him to be dropped back off and escort him home. Grandpa always had a story to tell us about his day and we felt special to just be a part of it.

Christmas brought the tradition of opening gifts and the reading of the Christmas story. Grandpa would let us open 1 present each, in order of our age. As a young child that was torture…waiting our turn especially when grandpa’s turn came because it meant he would get out his pocket knife and carefully open the present, saving the paper for a future use. It took him a lifetime to open one gift! 🙂

And then once presents were done he would get out his bible and read us the Christmas story from Luke. Grandpa had a strong faith and while I don’t think I recognized it or appreciated it as a child…I am so grateful for that today. What I wouldn’t give right now to have a recording of him reading the Christmas story.

Grandpa was a writer and I like to think that my love of writing comes in part from him. About 3 1/2 years ago grandpa and I started communicating more and more. Through emails we kept in touch in ways that we hadn’t in the past.

I know I didn’t save all of them, but I went through them and found that I had saved over 150 different conversations. Sometimes he had encouragement to offer, other times an inspiring story and at times well thought out, detailed advice to consider following. 😉

I came across a post he had sent some of our family back in 2013. It was a story about his own father. He shared the challenges his father faced but also the unique ways that those challenges shaped his life. The blessings that came from them.

He ended the email with this…”I see the hand of God in all of this. We can never fully understand His plans for us or for our lives. Instead we must trust that He will always be with us, even during those times that give us cause to question.”

This faith, this hope, was something that was such an encouragement to Dominic and I when we started Dominic’s business. Grandpa and grandma offered their prayers and support in so many ways during that time. Grandpa believed 100% that Dominic would be successful if he just got things going.

He came to us with an offer of a loan. We typed up a promissory note and made it official. He sent emails asking about the business and had ideas for marketing and a website. He loved hearing about how things were going and was one of our biggest cheerleaders.

If I were discouraged, he would encourage me to trust God and have hope. He believed God had a plan for us and he trusted in it. He told me that he prayed for me daily. I hope that my faith life always reflects such faith and hope and a commitment to prayer for those I love.

I am grateful that grandpa and grandma were able to celebrate their 67th wedding anniversary last week. That they got to visit their church and reminisce over all God had done in their family over the years. There were pictures taken and good food enjoyed and memories made.

I don’t know why grandpa’s life had to end this way, this unexpectedly. I am heartbroken for grandma and my mom and aunts and uncle. I want to fix it, make it better and I can’t.

I want to wrap this up with some wonderful words of wisdom that will make everyone feel better…I just don’t know that I can do that. But I believe, just like grandpa did, that God is with us.

Grandpa loved his bride and his family and would want us to celebrate the fact that he is now with Jesus. His strong faith in God promised that for those who placed their trust in God as he did, death was not the end.

So I celebrate my grandpa today. I thank God for the blessing he was to so many and the light and laughter he brought into my life. And in his own words I end with this…

I see the hand of God in all of this. We can never fully understand His plans for us and for our lives. Instead we must trust that He will always be with us, even during times that give us cause to question.

My prayer for everyone in our family would be that we would feel God’s covering of peace during this time, that we would love and encourage one another and that we would celebrate the life of a man worthy of honor.

Grandpa you loved well and are loved. You will be remembered through laughter and tears and while your physical presence will be missed your impact and legacy will always remain.

Seeking God – An Invitation

31 Days of Seeking Him

Last year I participated in the 31 days writing series in October and wrote on Finding God. I was excited that I finished the month with writing every day but honestly I didn’t think that I would do it again.

You see I have had very few words to share here lately.

I write when I am inspired..when I feel God has given me something to share. If I try and force it, well it just isn’t good. I know some authors are able to perfect their craft by just writing every day even if they aren’t inspired…I just can’t do that.

Then I took a few days to get away with a dear friend and inspiration hit. It was like my mind knew I was leaving and on the first plane ride I had a theme and using the writing prompts from the wonderful writers of the Five Minute Friday (FMF) group…I set to work.

In that weekend away I wrote 26 of the 31 posts! Crazy right?! Go God is all I can say. So next month I am excited to be sharing some stories about how I am seeking and seeing God. He has been a part of my life, even when I didn’t “feel” it. Looking back I can see how His hand has been in every moment.

But how quickly I forget. Call it pride or stubbornness, the whispers of the enemy telling me I am not worthy of God’s love. It has happened time and time again that I forget all God has done with me and through me. But He is faithful even when I doubt. In seeking Him each day I have been reminded of that truth.

It is my prayer that by sharing these stories you too will be encouraged to seek God. Look for Him, chase after Him, know Him in a new and real way. They aren’t terribly long posts, little stories  written around the daily FMF word prompt and enveloping the theme of how I am seeking God.

I hope you stick with me next month and I would love to hear how you too are seeking and seeing God’s hand in your life!