I am starting to see a trend. When I ask God to grant me something, he makes me work for it. Like when I was new parent and desperately wanted/needed patience with my strong willed daughter, he didn’t make her any less strong willed. On the contrary, he seemed to up the ante in the form of asthma attacks night upon sleepless night. My girl was not only strong willed and feisty, but she was now tired and sick…yay!

Can you picture it? Sleepy momma on a verge of a nervous breakdown because she didn’t have any sleep, literally holding her toddler in a vice grip with one hand and the other opening her little girls mouth while simultaneously shoving a dropper full of medicine down her little red throat because her daughter vehemently hates taking medicine of any kind.

You can’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor! And you can’t tell me he doesn’t answer prayers. Those moments that I thought were going to break me (and trust me there were many) were the moments that made me stronger and made me realize that I really was growing into a more patient version of myself even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.

I was hoping he would just blast down doses of patience as I needed it, but that never seems to happen. It didn’t stop me from begging for it though.

Now here I am again asking God for something else, to make me fearless.

I was hoping that a few fearless steps of saying yes to things would cure this, but for some reason for me, it can’t be that easy. I’ve found myself in the middle of a faith crisis here. Fearless is causing me lots of trouble. I’m talking chest hurting, let me just stay in bed, I give up type of trouble.

I feel overwhelmed and overpowered and I’m not sure what God is doing and why it has to be this way.

I’m anxious and finding it hard to be still.

But maybe that’s the point. I want to rush ahead and get things over with and he’s pulling back the reigns and saying “Hold on there; let’s make this a lesson you won’t soon forget. Let’s take our time and dig deep, get to the root of what is causing this fear in the first place.”

So, I’m slowing down, and being intentional about being still and taking it one day at a time. I’m choosing to trust him over my fears, and whatever my feelings are saying. Fearless verses are popping up everywhere, a women’s retreat at my new church is even having a fearless women’s conference. Coincidence? I think not.

God is here! He doesn’t want to just zap me with courage and that be the end of it. He wants to walk me through this! He is El Roi, the God that sees me. He knows me, He loves me, and He wants to walk me through this valley.

If I allow God to teach me, I feel like I will for once have power over the fear that is holding me back.

Friends, I’m not sure what is holding you back today, but I want to encourage you to take hold and not let go. If you need to wrestle it out then do it. God can take it. His ways may not be ours but the end result will be so much better than we could have ever hoped or imagined.

I’m happy to report that my little girl who once hated medicine is now 12 years old and takes it without any arm wrestling involved. We may have different battles now, but I’m learning that those things in our life that we think we can’t handle are there to teach us that we can. With God we really can do ALL things!

I may still be dealing with fear, but I’m not where I was when I started. I’ve grown more confident in who I am and whose I am. And that’s a great first step.

“Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful” John 14:27