I apologize if I have shared this here before, it is a big part of my “story” and really shaped parts of my teenage life and has had an impact on my adulthood as well.
It was the 6th grade and I was awkward to say the least.
I grew up in a neighborhood with several kids my age and we were all friends. Several of those girls had older siblings in high school…so they kind of had an “in” to the cool scene.
I never had an “in”….I was always the girl who was friends with the girl who was friends with the popular people. Did you follow that?! 🙂
The point was that I remained on the outside, alone on that proverbial island, for a lot of years. And I desperately wanted to be invited “in”.
There was this girl…we will call her MW (that may or may not be her actual initials – and she may or may not have tattled on me in 1st grade when I was blown over by a winter wind into a metal bike rack, hitting my eye, causing a MASSIVE black eye that caused me to cry in class…but that is whole story for another time…ahem.) MW was having this party. A boy-girl party and it was a BIG deal.
ALL of the popular kids were invited…including my friends that were friends with those popular people.
I was not on the list. And it hurt.
My neighborhood friends were so sweet – they wanted to try and help me impress MW enough so that she would invite me to her party.
They helped me pick out the best outfit I had, and the plan was that I would wear this outfit to the next Friday’s High School Football game. Because that is where all the popular 6th graders went on a Friday night.
Oh, and somehow I thought it would be a good idea to not wear a coat, you know to keep from covering the awesomeness that my outfit held.
It was October, in South Dakota, at night….and it was COLD.
I froze that night, I shivered and shook and smiled my best crooked smile. And I hoped with all hope that I would finally get my invite.
My “best” wasn’t good enough. MW didn’t invite me to that party and I was crushed. I knew that I wouldn’t ever fit in and the next Friday night when everyone who was anyone was at the big party – I was at home – alone on my island once again.
Times like this can shape us can’t they?
As much as I’d like to say that it didn’t bother me or I got over it right away, here I am 30 years later and THAT is one of my most vivid memories from that time period.
Isn’t that sad?
It is one of the reasons that I have such a heart for kids at this age/phase. I KNOW how it feels to not be “good enough” by the world’s standards. And while I had a belief in God during that time, I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him that covered those hurts in my heart.
God was always there – but I hadn’t let Him be enough in my life. (< ==== Click to Tweet)
For years I struggled with the idea that I didn’t measure up.
It led me to believe as an adult that I wasn’t good-enough for God-sized dreaming because that kind of stuff is for the strong and talented.
In her devotional Holley says “God-sized dreaming isn’t for wimps. But at the same time it’s really only for wimps. Because we are all exactly that. We’re weak and broken and afraid. And we’re also strong and whole and filled with the resurrection power of Christ.”
Today I am a different woman.
While I still struggle with my image at times….I wish I were more fit, or had better hair, or knew how to parent with patience….God is showing me that I am “enough” because of Him! (<==== Click to Tweet)
There comes a point that we need to let go of the hurts of the past and move forward. We need to stop believing the lies that we won’t measure up and start holding on to the Truth that through Christ we will ALL measure up.
On my own I can’t do this “life”…but with Christ guiding me, I am confident and strong in His plan for me.
What in your past is holding you back from chasing your God-sized Dream?
Today is an extra special day because Holley’s newest book is available for purchase. “You’re Going to Be Okay” is a wonderful book and I will be posting even more about it in a few days…and there may just be a fun giveaway involved too!! Come back on Thursday for all the details! 😉
Linking up with my God-sized Dream sisters today continuing this discussion- will you join us here?
Photo Credit: gnuckx
As I read this, I found myself wishing we had been neighbors growing up. So much of what you wrote resonates with me…wishing I had been part of the “in” crowd, hurting each and every time I was excluded. The hurts are deep…and they’re still there. I get this. What I’m thankful for? Is that God redeems those ugly situations and gives us a place where we belong and are completely loved. I’m so thankful our paths crossed, my sweet friend. You are a gift…and you bless my life. Giving thanks for you today! (((hugs)))
I just love parties where ALL are invited like the one our sweet Jesus is planning!
I hate how much i can relate to this story, seriously. I remember being that young girl too, just trying to be noticed and fit in. I wish I would have had the maturity to see how loved and accepted I was.
Kristin,
It seems that these girlhood exclusions stick with us, don’t they? I remember similar experiences of my own and they are hard to leave in the past. It’s hard for me too to remember that God thinks I’m enough and I’m strong in him! Thank you for this post!
Kristin,
So glad you were able to share this with us! I wasn’t part of the popular crowd either & mostly by choice. Like you, I had friends who were popular, but I chose not to make myself an active part of their group because I didn’t want to be put in situations where I could stumble. I made my friends with the less fortunate, the kids who weren’t popular, the ones who were made fun of & laughed at. I cherished them & am blessed to still be friends with one of them who also viewed our group the way I did. Here’s a thought: maybe, just maybe God was actually protecting you… maybe all you were truly missing out on were things that could harm you, or stunt your growth!? As Holley says, sometimes we don’t understand the “no”… but God always uses the “no” for His glory. Look at you now! You’re living proof God uses the “no” for His glory! You go girl! ♥
Like some of the others who have commented, I can relate all too well to your story and I still struggle to this day with feeling like I don’t fit in or hurt feelings over believe I’ve been left out. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
This fits so well with the Gideon study. Gideon was shadowed by his and Israel’s pasts. If he had let the past overshadow his potential in God’s eyes, biblical history would have been changed. What happened in your past will not overshadow your potential, but you can bet the enemy will bring it to mind frequently so you doubt God’s plan for you.