In 2010 our family experienced numerous changes. I was pregnant with Karlena, Dominic had taken a new (and much prayed over) job in MN and for 8 months, through the worst winter ever, we lived apart during the week.

In May of that year we sold our first home, bought another in a neighboring state and dove head first into what I believed was “the reason God brought us here“.

While things were always (putting it mildly) tough at Dominic’s new job we felt like there was a “reason” he was there. I was allowed to work from home with the Bank I had been employed with for 13 years….it felt like, for the most part, we were finally coming to a stable place.

And then in late 2011 the bottom dropped out. And in a BIG way I might add.

In the matter of a few short months we went from 2 high-paying jobs with wonderful (and cheap) benefits….to both being unemployed, uninsured and facing the real reality that we might have to walk away from our dream home, our dreams here and move into the basement of one of our parents.

Trust me….these were dark times.

Dominic handled it better than I did. He would just keep telling me that everything was going to be ok. He didn’t know how…but he knew that it would. Even if it meant giving up what we thought we “deserved” here.

I on the other hand didn’t handle it well at all. I sunk into a fast, and dark depression. I was convinced that things would not be ok. I believed with my whole heart that we had followed what we thought was God’s path, and it wasn’t, so we were reaping the results of that.

And I didn’t know how, and didn’t want to deal with it.

I was embarrassed about what we were going through and I wanted out. I started thinking that if something “happened” to me…and it was an accident, then Dominic and the kids could collect on my life insurance and everything would be better.

I am not proud of how I dealt with everything, how I allowed myself to believe the lies that “death” was an answer or how much my faith slipped during this time….but I share it here because I want you to understand the depths of my hopelessness.

I couldn’t see how it could possibly turn around. I didn’t want to accept help from others. I was stubborn and prideful and my family suffered and worried because of it.

But God was bigger than my lack of faith. He knew the path we would be walking….and He loved me through my time of anger and questioning.

While things didn’t play out as I thought they should….because of course I know what’s best for my life…. 🙂 Things that have evolved over the past 8 months are MORE than the dreams that we thought we had!

Did you hear that? What I thought was the “dream” for our family….was so small in comparison to what God had planned.

Today my husband is running his own business, a dream we thought wouldn’t be possible for many years. It is so busy that he asked if I would join him and help out around the office. I spent the past 2 days working along side him….and my heart is so full.

I have seen God take my hopelessness, my mistrust and my lack of faith…..and turn it into something that is a blessing to our entire family. He IS good….He always was….I just couldn’t, wouldn’t choose to see it.

Friends, I don’t know where you find yourself today. Maybe you are facing a job loss, a broken marriage, a lost dream. I want you to hear me on this….even when it feels like God isn’t there, in the thick with you, He IS. If you are struggling with this truth right now, please let me know so that I can lift you up in prayer.

While I know that things will never be “perfect” in this lifetime….I do know that God has been faithful and will continue to be faithful to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. Don’t give up friends….don’t give up.